Losing both parents before the age of 30 truly did something to me and my world. The more I do my work, the more I expand my knowledge in spirituality, the more firm my knowing of the cyclical nature of all things becomes. Me revisiting these two traumatic events is proof of it. Not because I share this story numerous times but because my guides lead me down a path that forces me to face these events over and over with the intention to peel yet another layer, again and again. With this, I deepen my understanding of my experience and, as a result, expands my compassion for not just me but also my lineage.
In a recent post, I shared some reflections on the Summer Solstice and Cancer season and their connection to the ancestors. In astrology, Cancer rules the fourth house of family, home, roots, divine feminine and the subconscious so it is not far off to call-out this connection. Through personal experiences, each year, I've come to believe Cancer season is "The Other Ancestor Season" outside of the Dia de los Muertos and Samhain celebrations that occur on and around October 31st. Each year I meet this season with greater awareness through experiential moments and now this year with deeper astrological research. According to the astrological wheel, we are currently in the depths of the earth, we are the furthest below the surface and have the greatest access to the Underworld, the ancestors and the Great Mother.
On July 1st, I was elated to be able to spend some time with my family's elders and matriarchs whom I haven't seen in six years. These two women are my mother's cousins who spent a lot of time with my mother growing up and some of the following years after migrating here from Nicaragua. Both my aunts were very happy to see me. One of my aunts broke down in tears while she saw me speaking and laughing and told me that I look like my mother and have her mannerisms. My sister has mentioned this to me before but it feels different when I hear it for the second time from an elder. I tried not to cry but I could feel my mom's presence and couldn't help it. I can feel her move inside me at times. This was one of those times. It's always subtle and comforting and this moment was no exception.
I spent time catching my aunts up sharing photos of my nieces and nephews and sharing what I could about my siblings lives. I shared my latest news about my body and back issues. Health took the forefront of our conversation for some time and we began to speak about my families health history. Through that conversation I would learn that one of my great aunts died of a brain tumor and my great grandmother died of an aneurism. They presented a family pattern. Because I don't believe in coincidences and because I've suffered from head trauma in the past, I'm deciding to take this message very seriously. I'm not at all attempting to perpetuate a serious brain issue but perhaps I am the first one to look and acknowledge this pattern for my ancestors from a conscious and spiritual perspective.
Towards the end of our catching up, my aunts became curious to know about my business and practice. For the first time, I didn't feel hesitant to share, which says a lot about how far I've come with accepting my path. Their response was something very unexpected. My aunts looked at each other and one of them said "Diosito santo! Mira quien salio siguiendo la linea de curandera. Como nuestro abuelo!" Translation says "Good Lord! Look who came out carrying out the lineage of healer. Just like our grandfather!" To hear these words felt like a blessing from the matriarchs. It wasn't a shun or a shameful response as I once feared but instead an acknowledgment and blessing.
They would continue on to share my grandfathers story and how several members of the family had interests in the occult and other magical practices. I was blown away. At the very end, my aunt asked me if I dabbled in hypnosis and I replied with a no. Moments later I would come to realize she also meant trance. My realization came through her words of precaution urging me to be careful if I ever did dabble as she would be worried of possession. In the next breath she said " If you should ever try that practice I urge you to be careful and to pray the Rosary frequently." It was odd to hear this not because of her suggestion but of my somatic response to the invitation. I felt a strong "yes!" This is something I've never felt in all the years I've grown up knowing and practicing Catholicism. All the years of my spiritual path has shown me not to ignore that somatic "yes." This was telling me to pay attention.
Even now as I write this, I'm remembering asking my aunts about Auxiliadora and her relation to the Mother Mary. You see, my mom was named after Maria Auxiliadora and so was my aunt. The question just flew out of my mouth. They explained that she was a vision of the same mother, a different form just as she appeared as La Virgen de Guadalupe in Mexico, so did Maria Auxiliadora in Nicaragua. I immediately thought of the Dark Mother and how she has spoken to me about herself. The Dark Mother has always explained to me that she is a multifaceted being and right there in that conversation, I could feel her in between every word we were speaking.
That night, after such a nourishing time with family, I decided to dive deep in research. I've had this feeling before. This is a feeling that no other force could interfere with. I've officially become obsessed with research around Mother Mary and the Rosary. I began my research with its history in Nicaragua. In doing so, I found some devastating news about the oppression and corruption of my family's country. This is not a new corruption but the vein of expression is newer and more painful. It is now considered a subversive act to pray the Rosary in the entire country of Nicaragua. This is only a small piece of what I discovered. I won't share any other information here. I will find a better time to do that, where it's more relevant and empowering. I share a piece of it now because it is what has magnified my urgency to know more about the history of the Rosary and Mother Mary.
Since then (only 4 days ago) I have fallen further into the depths of the Dark Mother by way of the Rosary and Mother Mary. This is something very unexpected. Some of you may have connected the dots in the past, but I have not. Not like this. You see, the Dark Mother has been very methodical at how she wants me to experience her. It's always been in pieces. This has started a whole new power in relationship to the Dark Mother. Because this is still so new, I will hold my revelations very close until the seeds are ready to sprout. Until then, I invite you all to think of the Mothers of your lineage in this season of the Great Mother! If thinking of your mother is too difficult then I invite you to think about the very first mother of them all - The Dark Mother. She is the void from where all things come from and all things return. Perhaps it is more helpful to think about Mother Earth Gaia, Hathor, Isis, or Innana.
Here are some things you can meditate on to connect to Mother energy for the duration of this Moon cycle.
Before eating your next meal, take a moment to close your eyes and thank the soil that nourished the food you're about to consume. After pondering, express gratitude.
The next time you take a shower or wash your dishes, pray to Mother Ocean and thank her for the fluid of her womb that cleanses and nourishes you every day.
On this New Moon weekend, take a moment to think about the dark moon (the phase of the moon that experiences the greatest darkness) and thank the depth of the void for another opportunity to begin a new phase of nourishment.
.png)
Commenti