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An Excerpt from a Dreamer's Journal

Drawing by Vanessa Baltodano and inspired by contact with a wolf in her dreamscapes

Dreams are a rich resource for guidance, clarity, creativity and hold doorways to other dimensions and planes. The dreamworld is accessible to us all, whether we remember our dreams or not. It is a world ready to be tapped into and always alive and ready for us. Not until recently, I’ve discovered that there is power in sharing our dreams with one another. I must admit, I haven’t always felt that way about sharing. My childhood experiences have made me feel otherwise. 

Ever since I was a little girl, my dreams have never been simple. They have always been rich in color, imagery, and emotion. Nightmares were very common for me and over a short period of time I grew an intense fear of the dark. I would wake up in the middle of the night and wet my bed frequently. In fact, I wet my bed until I was eight years old. At the beginning, my mom did her best to console me, calm me down and wait until I would fall back to sleep. As time went on, my mom grew more and more frustrated and did less consoling. She would ignore me when I would wake-up in the middle of the night. I had no other choice but to learn to cope with these experiences on my own. I made sure to keep my dreams and nightmares to myself. 

Our family never talked about dreams openly. The topic of dreams always felt taboo. Although my grandmother had a history of prophetic dreams, these types of experiences were never talked about out loud in my family. You heard about grandma’s dreams by word of mouth and never talked about it again. So you can imagine, there wasn’t much room for a dreamer like me to share my experiences. 

By my early twenties, my dreams began to evolve. I started discovering new skills like the ability to control certain aspects in my dreams and consciously make decisions in them. After my father passed in 2008, I began to receive guidance from him and visits from other dead relatives.  My father’s guidance included some emotional preparation for my mother’s passing. In 2014, my mother passed away from a brain tumor. All the dreams following her passing changed my life forever. My mother has since been a regular visitor in my dreamscape and a guide. She taught me about crystals in my dreams and sparked my enthusiasm for their ability to heal and protect. Since then, my spirit guides have been more and more present than ever before. All of my dream companions have been the catalysts for my spiritual journey. 

My recent dream experiences are no less powerful or important. After the eclipse last month, I had a series of core shaking  dreams. In these dreams I encountered new guides and allies. Simultaneously, in waking life, I was going through a roller coaster of emotions. The dreams brought about feelings of melancholy and separation. Feelings I haven’t felt since I was a little girl. What I didn’t realize was that there was an awakening of something dormant in me. Something I didn’t know was inside. I began having a constant urge to draw, write and, most importantly, share about my dreams with others. Since I’ve started this new journey, I have discovered opportunities to heal from my past and a desire to create a safe space for dreamers to share and explore their own dreams.  

In honor of my new discoveries and desires, I’d like to share one of my drawings and short stories with you all. This one is dedicated to all the dreamers out there who feel they don’t have an outlet for their experiences.

Gray Wolf, White Wolf

I sat there, in the middle. Still and curious. Taking note of all the details. The dark wood that made up the walls of the cabin. The time of day and how the sun beams at dusk seeped through the windows. The depth of the darkness that were my companions. How the shadows stared out the windows into the forest. It was so intense I had to take a look. I walked over and opened the front door. There, at the opening of the forest stood a gray wolf. Below him, a carcass. One that he had been mangling, chewing, gnawing rather intensely. He stopped abruptly and focused his attention on me. Before I could take cover and close the door, he leaped jumped and took grip of my arm in his jaw. I tried fighting but not for long. I knew it wasn’t worth the fight. He held tightly and dragged me into the forest to meet the rest of his pack. In that moment all went dark. When light entered again, it came from the walls of a cave. There in the center stood a medicine man, and in the stone wall stood you, White Wolf. Relaying your messages through the way you radiate light and the way you carry the colors of rainbow on your spine. I now understand why I saw no end. You intended to leave long living traces of yourself on me. Rest assured that you live on as starlight on my soul, spirit, and star walker. You are now a part of me. I am you, you are me, infinitely. 



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